Most of my memories of the past, of my home, and of my life at home, seem somewhat inseparable from my mother's equine endeavors. Well lets just say I have been around horses for many years...
Much to her dismay, I never quite took to the sport/hobby as much as she had hoped. Being forced to ride from the age of 4 is my excuse; but I guess in the end, it just wasn't me. This said, I have loved all the time I have been able to spend with these magnificent beasts. It was in fact, just the other day, when I was helping my mom with a sick horse, that I realised how magnificent they actually are. As I stared into to the horses eyes, I got that strange feeling you get (or maybe just I get) when you look at yourself for to long in the mirror - you become an objectified by your own gaze - you feel as though you are outside of your own body, staring at yourself, wondering - 'what the hell am I?' In this case, I wasn't really wondering 'what the hell is this horse, really?' - it was more of a sense of understanding - or 'lack' thereof. A sense of feeling nothing more than necessary, of analyzing nothing more than necessary. At the time, it seemed like a welcome escape from the constant battle within our ever so 'intelligent' heads - it was a time to react only to noises, movement, and feelings. It was a moment I won't soon forget.
The photo's on the left, although taken by my mom many years ago, seem to visually portray that feeling or moment. When i came across them I got the same feeling - maybe it was a combination of a long, a overcast day, and a desperate need to 'let go'??? I don't know. But whatever it was, it seems as though those moments are starting to become more frequent as I near the time when I leave this lovely home I have lived in my entire life. I have begun the search into the past to try and salvage any sort of memory I can ruffle up. And as the time nears, they become so clear, yet so distant.
I wrote this next piece about this exact topic - about leaving the place that will always be your 'home'. It will be the last song on my album. It is so far untitled...I await an epiphany:
I own the world, I own the sun
I see the fields, let's try and hide away
Relive those days, before my eyes
They seem so strange, and distant
Bring back those nights, we used to pray
Nothing to gain, or hideaway
I always dreamed, I'd leave this place
It will remain, reminding me
And though we die, my love remains
This special place, maybe you'll understand?
And your eyes are darker than night
And your face, is always in my dreams
And your eyes are darker than night
And your face, is always in my dreams
Why must we leave?
Roberg (Plett) has to be one of my favourite places in the world. I have going there my whole life. Pictured below is moi with our maid at the time - Libet (Elizabeth). She was awesome - she used to come on holiday with us - typical whitey behavior in those times. I only have fond memories of her.
